No, He’s Not Dead – He’s Just Ghosting You

Have you ever wondered what happened to that gorgeous man you recently started dating?

Everything seemed perfect. You were sure that this time there really was potential to enter a committed relationship. You shared good laughs, had amazing conversations and felt a genuine connection (maybe in more than one way, wink wink). You might have even seen this person of interest multiple times, each better than the last. But then it happens. You send a cute or casual text. You wait a few minutes. A few minutes turn into a few hours and those hours into days. Nothing.

What happened?

1. He’s… Busy?

As much as this sounds like an excuse, sometimes being busy can genuinely be the reason why we don’t immediately get back to people. Yes, even if we really like them. There’s no reason to completely cut off someone and assume the worst whenever they don’t respond to you immediately, especially if they explain the radio silence. However, if this happens regularly you should take a realistic look at whether or not you’re actually this person’s priority at the moment. I mean, let’s be real – if you have time to take a shit then you have time to respond to someone’s text.

2. He’s keeping his options open

This one is quite simple. Not everyone has clear expectations of what they want out of a date. Finding your soulmate sounds more like the plot of a Disney movie than a reality, and while nobody is inherently closed off to the idea of true love, some just want to see where things go. Before you ask – no, this isn’t always necessarily code for having sex. It can mean pretty much anything from just meeting new people to finding friends with benefits to getting into a committed relationship. Or maybe just a plain old hook-up. The thing is – it’s not always easy to immediately know in which of those categories the person you’ve been seeing will fall into. Therefore it’s become more and more common to see multiple people at the same time. And let’s be real – who wouldn’t forget to text one of those people every now and then? Does this mean that he doesn’t like you or isn’t interested? No. Does it mean that he’s not entirely convinced that you’re the one? Maybe.

3. Emotional unavailability

Well, well, well. We’ve all heard this phrase before. The thing is, being emotionally unavailable can have multiple reasons and sometimes you don’t even realize when you’re emotionally unavailable yourself. The man of your dreams could be fresh out of a relationship, still hung up on their ex, maybe he had a painful past or is just at a point in his life where commitment isn’t his hearts desire. (I mean, we’re only in our wild twenties once, right? Not everyone wants to let their high libido go to waste on one person). Texting regularly with someone can feel like a form of commitment and sometimes it’s just easier to keep people at bay.

4. He’s just not into you 

Out of all reasons this is probably the one that you want to believe the least. In fact, even when all evidence points to it, you’ll still find convincing reasons as to why he’s actually secretly in love with you. But let’s be real. Love is a very complicated thing. You can share the same points of view, the same humor, have hour long conversations, be physically attracted and still just not feel that certain spark or chemistry. If he’s not into you it doesn’t mean that you’ve done something wrong. He just doesn’t feel the same way that you do and doesn’t want to lead you on by consistently texting and giving you hope. …. Yay?

5. He’s actually dead.

After the last ego-shattering option this sounds like a sweet relief. Your prince charming really was attracted to you as much as you are to him. He would also never deliberately ignore your texts or calls, however due to an unfortunate turn of events his life has ended. Death is the true reason your love is kept apart and the communication is broken. Despite how heartbreaking this is, it’s time to cut your losses and move on to somebody who is less of a ghost. (rip)

No matter the reason why he (or she) is ghosting you, it’s time to ask yourself what you really want out of your connection with him. If you seek someone who is dedicated and committed, then maybe the person who can’t even dedicate to texting regularly isn’t the one for you. I have found in the past that not having any expectations whenever you meet someone is a safe bet. Because whenever we do have expectations (like a commited relationship), we tend to move a bit fast and put the other person under pressure without realizing it. This can scare people off who just aren’t 100% sure what they want. So – taking away the pressure makes things better for both parties.

Then again, if he really is into you he will find a way to respond to your communication attempts via phone – heck, he’ll be the one insinuating them. If you want someone who knows exactly what he wants, move on. If you’re okay with anxiety-triggering uncertainty and a lot of long hours trying to analyze what he might be thinking, stick around. Just be aware that while he might actually like you, you’re not his priority right now. So don’t make him your priority, enjoy life, have fun with your friends and try to have no expectations – this way you won’t be hurt if it turns out that he really wasn’t that into you. Or actually died. Who knows.

Vicky x

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